


Am i your anything?

by Jaydiplier



Category: AFI
Genre: Anal, Angst, Language, M/M, Self-Harm, Violence, WIP, h/c, m/m - Freeform, n/c
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:52:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4591920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaydiplier/pseuds/Jaydiplier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade has a problem. He's in love with Davey, and has not the will or courage to tell him. Slowly it's eating him alive, and he feels guilty because he's already in love with Marissa, his girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rain

(jades POV)

It’s not the point that he’s perfect, or that he’s beautiful and so luscious in so many ways…it’s that I love him and there is no way for me to tell him that. The way that he moves around me makes me think that he’s interested in me. He brushes up against me during shows, when I’m sweating and concentrating on playing the right chords to match his lovely voice. It’s also that he follows me around, hangs on my arm at any given chance that he has. It makes me realize that there’s something inside of me that needs to be fed. And that lust has finally come up again, without my consent of it doing so. Davey Havok is a mink, and he knows it. He just doesn’t want to admit it first.

Then there’s the issue of me being in love with Marissa. She’s quite the lovely fox herself, always smiling at me at the right moments and showing me that some points of life don’t revolve around my best friend…and in this case fantasy. That’s what Davey has become to me, something that will exist in my mind but never beyond the thoughts of my dreams and my daydreams. I would give anything to tell him just how I feel…but that would break not only my moral code. It would shatter is completely. And Marissa…it would hurt her too much. And I love her too much to let that happen to her. Let alone let me be the cause of it. I love them both, and I don’t know what to do.

I can’t very well tell Adam or Hunter, since they seem to think that it’s a bad thing. Just from what I’ve seen. But they’re supposed to be my friends, and friends are there for each other, no matter what’s going on at the moment. That’s what brought me to Adam’s little sleep area on our tour bus.

We were in California, heading on up to Vancouver for a showing. I didn’t know what to say, truthfully, except for the first thing that would just come blurting out of my big fucking mouth. But Adam was asleep, I could hear his breathing. And it sounded just as loud as my heart and pulse. I felt light-headed and weak from the effort of working up the courage to talk to someone that could possibly help me. Adam was like the big brother of the band, being always the quietest and most placid of the four of us. Davey was the child, I was the incessant teenager, and Hunter was the adult. But Adam…acting as the big brother, turned out to be much more mature.

That led me to the path of least resistance…wanting to walk down it and find help with the one person that I knew I could trust not to tell anyone my dirty little secret. Not even Hunter would know.

“Adam?”

There was no response and I pushed back the curtain that was there, covering and shielding Adam from the light that flooded into the bus through the morning windows. I had gotten up rather earlier then I normally did, finding myself unable to sleep. It seemed like Dave, Hunter, and Smith went for something to eat, or just for a quick walk. That left Adam and me on the bus. This was probably going to be the only chance I’d have to talk to the drummer, so I was going to take it…no matter the consequences.

“Adam?”

“Wha’?”

That one half-sound made me believe that he was awake now. Adam was not a fun person to wake up, but I needed to talk to him or I’d go crazy. Sure enough I was starting to get insomnia, laying awake just to listen to the sound of Davey’s breathing. I would give anything everyday to just see him smile or laugh. It always gave me butterflies in my stomach and a bit of heat to my blood. That’s what Davey did to me.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Why? I’m sleeping…” He sounded groggy and I had half a mind to just leave him alone. But I needed to get this out or it was going to make me insane.

“Because it’s a matter of life or death…I guess…”

My voice was enough to get him to roll over and look at me, his eyes narrowing a little as he scrutinized me on the situation. And legitimately I appeared to be in distress. Considering I was still only half-dressed, with only my pants on, and my hair and make-up not done up at all. Not to mention I hadn’t eaten or consumed anything in the past couple of days. Seems he finally got the nerve to get up and talk to me…or something to that effect.

“Alright…let me get up and get dressed some.”

He always slept in his boxers, so I was going to give him a few minutes to put on a shirt and some pants. I was sitting in the kitchen part of the bus when he came in, ruffling his hair a little with his hands to tame it. He didn’t need to comb it, really. Though he did just get up and I was going to assume that he would brush it later to make it look a little more decent. I was sitting at the table that was there, which could double as a bed if need be.

“You look like shit Jade.”

“I feel like it.”

After he sat down and pulled one of the little Starbucks coffees his way, he opened it and took a bit of a sip, looking me over once more. I felt tired and incredibly hurt, almost guilty about the way that I’ve been thinking lately. Though I didn’t express this right away.

“So what’s goin’ on man? What do you need my help with?”

Adam was such a good guy that I felt I didn’t want to ruin it for him. He was always going to be Davey’s friend, and I believe he would be mine through anything. Though I’ve been wrong before.

“It’s kind of hard to say…”

He laughed softly and then took another drink of that little coffee whilst I messed with mine, spinning it between my palms absently. I wanted him to see that I was just in need of some help and someone to talk to. That’s what he was good at and he knew it. Which was why he hadn’t just blown me off and let me rot. That seemed like something Hunter would do.

“Just say it. You know I won’t think any different of you. Well, less of you, actually…”

Taking in a deep breath, I looked towards the door and then rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the fine and straight hairs that were there. What could I possibly say to him? Was there no easy way to get it all out?

“I’m in love with someone.”

“Oh, well, I knew that.”

Looking to him, I shook my head and then dropped my voice to a low whisper, feeling my heart start to race in my chest at the words that I spoke to him, be them softly. “It’s not Marissa…”

That got him to stop and think, his eyes widening a little before he looked around. He probably thought it was some kind of joke. Adam always knew me for someone secure in my decisions and the decisions that my heart made.

“Who is it then?”

“Someone we all know…”

He started to think again, his gaze going towards the door, then towards the front where the driver sat, and then towards the back of the bus. Alright, let him think it over Jade, I told myself…nothing bad is going to happen if you give him time to mull over who it could be.

“Then who?”

“It’s hard to confess. I shouldn’t even have brought up this situation…I’m sorry for bothering you.”

I made a move to get up and he just reached out, seizing my wrist and forcing me to sit down again. I felt my eyes start to sting, my body freezing almost instantly when I saw the stern look on his expression. He was something else entirely, it seemed, and I wanted to know why things had turned out so bad for me in that instant. Swallowing hard, I glanced down, ashamed of myself for even thinking that I could tell someone other then the person that I was in love with.

“Jade, it’s not bad. Being in love is a good thing.”

“But when it’s with someone that you aren’t with at the moment?”

“Okay…that is kind of a problem, I suppose.” He sounded almost hesitant in saying that. It made me feel bad and I felt the tears in my eyes gather more, before one finally broke away. They knew me as the strong one, and seeing me cry was something else entirely.

“Jesus…this must really be eating at you if you’re crying. Who is it? What’s going on?”

“I can’t eat…I can’t sleep…Adam…sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe because of what I feel.”

There was silence from his end but I dared not look up, taking in a deep breath to get the rest of it out.

“The times I do manage to sleep I dream. And they’re dreams that I should be ashamed of…but I’m not…because I know I want them to be true. This person…makes me smile and laugh at any given moment…no matter how shitty I’m feeling. He’s always there for me…even if he doesn’t know it most of the time.”

Closing my mouth, I realized that I had revealed the person as a guy. That got a laugh out of Adam and he just shook his head, stroking his fingers through his hair for a single moment before speaking again.

“Dude…if it’s a guy, I don’t mind. We all know Davey’s gay.”

“Okay, so it’s a guy. But that’s only half of the problem. See, the guy is…well…he’s…”

“Straight?” He was trying to be helpful, to get me moving along. Not seeming like he was in a hurry with his words, but he was trying to be comforting and yet helpful at the same time. That made me smile a little and then I nodded slowly, taking in another deep breath so I could calm my nerves. I was shaking, my hands trembling and my skin crawling with goosebumps. After a few of those deep breaths, I spoke again, this time be it barely audible.

“This guy…he’s someone I’m really close to.”

Now he looked a little alarmed. Did he think it him? I swallowed hard and felt my eyes sting a little more. I was trying to fight back the urge to cry, my body shaking visibly now. I felt suddenly light-headed again, my body seizing up, my mind shutting down for only a moment. In that instant I didn’t realize was happening, losing a few seconds of my time. Or what seemed like a few seconds.

Light flooded my eyelids and I was looking up at Davey. Thinking I was in a dream, I smiled a little and then brought a hand up, stroking his cheek a little. That’s when I noticed that Adam and Hunter were talking, Adam looking to me every so often. I felt my heart stop for just a beat, skipping that one second. I sat up suddenly, watching Davey move back. He smiled a bit and then pushed my hair back from my eyes, speaking in that calm and loving way that he always did.

“Hey, you’re awake. We got back almost an hour ago. Adam said you passed out…”

So that’s what happened…I fainted. Feeling a little embarrassed, I blushed and then bowed my head, mumbling something about lack of sleep and food and water.

“Well then we need to fix that, don’t we?”

Davey stood up and I watched the way that his muscles flexed, my eyes gliding up the line of his body to see his form standing above me. The trembles came back and I felt a little light-headed again. No, I couldn’t faint again…I would die before that would happen. He offered a hand and I hesitantly took it, feeling the warmth that was there within. He knew just how to make me feel almost weak, didn’t he?

“Come on, up you go.” 

I was suddenly on my feet and against the lead singer of a band that I worshiped at the same time as being in it. He was the reason I was in AFI, not because of the fans. Well, they were part of it…but the majority of my feelings towards music and success were coming from Davey being there for me. If Dave were to leave the band, they’d have to replace him and me at the same time. Smiling a little when I heard him chuckle, I moved towards the fridge on the bus, taking out one of the Cokes that were in it. My sodas, no one elses. Most of the time.

“Are you feeling alright Jade? You just conked out for a second there.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I felt Adam checking my head for wounds of any sort. I had plenty of scrapes and what not from hitting my head on certain objects, and I didn’t mind them looking me over. Made me feel needed in some way.

“Okay. So what were you going to tell me?”

Taking a glance to Davey, I saw him speak to Smith and start to laugh. My eyebrows scrunched up a little and then I shook my head, looking to Adam and offering a weak smile. “It’s nothing. I swear. Just something I was wrong about.”

Turning away from the people that were my friends, I retreated to my bunk and slid into it, pulling the little curtain closed and cuddling up under the blankets that were mine. I didn’t want to ruin Davey’s attitude, take control of a situation that might not work out…and force him away from me with a simple break up. That was even if he was interested in me that way.

Who was I kidding? He would never look at me as anything more then a friend. It frightened me to think of a life without Davey, so I tried to drown it out by putting on my iPod, turning on some of the beats that I had made with my laptop for Blaqk Audio. Already we had one song done, and we were working on another one. That was a good thing, I supposed. I felt the presence of someone outside of my bunk and waited for the familiar pull back of the screen by Davey. But alas, no one bothered to open the damn thing. Brushing it off as best as I could, I closed my eyes and went back to thinking about the one thing that I couldn’t have:

Davey Havok.


	2. Sensation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two...in Jade's point of view. Just like the first chapter. Enjoy.

The sound of something being dropped had startled me into wakefulness, the last images of the dream that I had been having fading from my mind like they had never existed in the first place. That happened when my dreams were about Davey, and they were always going to be like that, I presumed. Since Davey was never going to know the truth, nor ever feel the same way towards me, I figured that most of the things having to do with him were going to be futile until the very end. Closing my eyes again, for I had been staring at the roof of my bunk, I settled down a little more and felt sleep try to take me again. 

A voice echoed in the back of my head and I tilted my head a little, hearing the words and yet not processing them into formidable grammar. That was strange…usually I always knew what the people in my dreams said to me. I listened harder when the words were repeated and then saw Davey’s form appear. Where were we? I looked around for a moment and realized that we were in the little apartment that the four of us rented sometimes during the breaks between concerts. Davey was in my room, his hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed at me.

He shifted stance, spoke again, and then crossed his arms over his chest. Everything was so confusing, threatening to spin, like I wasn’t anchored very well inside of the dream that I was having. Was it a dream? Or was it a nightmare? His words came into play and I was awake once more, almost hitting on my head on the ceiling of my bunk. Were it to be a few inches lower, I would have. Rubbing the sides of my neck and then stroking my fingers through my hair, I felt the tremors that were running up and down my spine, my body aching and wanting to relax again. But I was too afraid of those dreams coming back to me.

Sliding open the curtain on my bed, I moved my legs out first and then stood up, stretching a little and feeling a few of my joints pop. I even heard them. No one was around, and those loud noises had obviously come from outside of the bus. Peering out of the window just over the table in the ‘living room’ area, I saw that Smith was talking to Adam and Hunter about something. What though?

“Hey, you’re awake finally.”

I jumped, almost quite literally, the blinds that I had been holding open with two fingers snapping shut. Turning around, I saw Davey standing there and he held up both hands, laughing softly at my unwilling antics before he spoke. 

“Woah…calm down Jade…don’t need to have a heart attack. You were asleep for almost two days…”

That’s when I noticed the darkness outside. Damn, I did sleep for a long time didn’t I? Sighing softly, I turned as if to say something, my lips parted, when Smith suddenly came onto the bus. He smirked and then smiled widely at me. I hated that look.

“Jade! Bro’! Guess what happened?”

“You finally grew up? Your balls dropped? Mom is putting you up for adoption?”

He knew I was kidding and it made him laugh, that cheery way of talking coming out again from his vocal chords. Heaven help me. “No…we got the go ahead for going over the border…but not before Hunter’s shit got checked for illegal substances.”

“Why?” Because it was Hunter, I mused silently to myself.

“Because they were thinking he was a skin-head of some sort. I mean look at him, he’s white…and he shaved his head. That’s typical or whatever. Canadians and their way of life, it’s just amusing sometimes.”

I tilted my head to the side and knew that he was joking. Smith was neither mean or racist, and I respected that about my brother. Turning to look at Davey, I saw that he was busy making something on the stove. Yeah, he could cook, and I adored that in a weird sort of stalker-ish way. Don’t ask, don’t tell. That’s what it is for a lot of people and what not. I chose to take that as my way of thinking most of the time.

“What would you like to eat Jade?”

His voice, melodic and soothing, penetrated my thoughts and startled me again. God, what the fuck was wrong with me? Tightening my hands into fists, I gave out a deep breath and then smiled a bit, releasing it when I felt a little more relaxed. I approached him and, in the way that I had for a very long time now, rested my hand against his other hip and leaned over, peering into the pot which obviously held soup of some sort.

“What is this? Did you pick this up after it had been dead for a few days?”

“Ha, Mr. Puget, very funny. No, it’s not road kill. You’re such a smart ass.”

“Come on Davey, you know I was kidding.”

The smile that he gave me made my knees weak and I just smiled back, feeling the heat trying to rise to my cheeks, to my face. I swallowed hard and then moved back towards that table in the ‘living room’ part of the bus, folding my hands on the table. I wasn’t trembling, yet my heart was. It was aching and felt ready to just collapse into a million pieces.

He seemed to take notice of this and moved towards me, sitting down in the seat not to me before he leaned over, resting his head on my shoulder. The seats themselves were booth-like, so he was able to do that. I shook a little more and he glanced up to me, not bothering to remove his head from my shoulder.

“Are you okay Jade?” It was barely a whisper…worried? I didn’t know, maybe it was.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” What was it with him asking me all these questions? Alright, it wasn’t a lot of questions, but just enough to make me tremble. Was he actually worried? I swallowed hard and then turned my head…at the wrong possible moment. 

He had lifted his head to speak to me, his lips parted just as mine touched them lightly. Dear God…that one second of contact was enough to make me yearn for him. When he seemed shocked over anything else, I drew back from being as close as I was and then turned to look out of the window. The tingling on my lips was still present and it caused me to unconsciously touch them, my fingertips trailing along the outside of them before I relaxed a little more, tilting my head to the side and sighing. Did I ruin things?

“Look, Davey…I’m sorry about that. It was an accident, I swear.”

He swallowed and then opened his mouth a few times to speak, only to close it again each time when he couldn’t get the words out. Finally he just shook his head and then stroked his hair back from his face, tucking it behind his ear before he whispered to me.

“No…there’s nothing to be sorry for. That’s what’s been hurting you, isn’t it?”

I felt my heart pause in that moment. When I felt the beats come back after that split second, I nodded, bowing my head and feeling ashamed. He bit on his lower lip, for I could see it out of the corner of my eye. He reached out and stroked at my hair a little, leaning close to me before wrapping his arms around my shoulders, holding me against him in what seemed more like a friendly hug then anything else.

“It’s alright Jade. We can’t help our feelings when it comes to those that we love…”

That instantly raised my hopes and I nodded, my eyes closing as I smiled at the thought of him confessing his never-dying love for me. But that didn’t come…and instead, I just felt tears come to my eyes as he started to speak again.

“But you have Marissa…and I have to respect that. Besides…I don’t want to ruin what we have. If we ever did…well…hook up…and then broke up…we’d never be friends again. I want to preserve what we have and not give cause to destroy it. Understand?”

All I could do was nod, submitting myself to the heart break that I felt on the inside. He moved though when I did, letting me out of the booth. That’s when I moved for the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower. I wasn’t aware of it, but it was there all the same and before I knew it, I was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet in the bathroom on the bus. Swallowing hard every few seconds, I felt my eyes burn and the tears start to fall. I couldn’t stop them, not when I felt like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped all over. Fighting back the urge to make my crying audible, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, biting down on it to avoid any sounds from escaping. The pain made me stop crying for an instant and I blinked, looking down at the faint red marks that my teeth had made. That was it…that was when the solution came to mind.

Moving my hand further across my mouth, I found my lower arm closer to my mouth finally. Swallowing hard and choking a little on a sob, I dug my teeth into the flesh there, feeling the blood pulsing beneath the surface before it broke through. The metallic taste of my own sanguinary fluid made me shudder…but not out of pleasure. It was relief, knowing that I could stop myself from crying. 

I pressed some toilet paper to the marks on my arm, waiting until it felt like the blood was done seeping out. I needed a better means of doing what I just did. Standing up, I moved for the cabinet behind the mirror, opening it via latch and peering inside, looking over the contents. I found a little box that was meant for just maintenance around the bus in emergencies. Opening it, there was a small stack of silver, shiny-new razorblades. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and then closed it. I couldn’t do that…I could never do that…not over something as stupid as love. But was it really that stupid?

A few tears and sobs later, I found the pain traveling up my arm, settling right into my heart and canceling out the pain that was there already. Blood dripped down my arm and onto the linoleum floor of the bathroom. I looked down at the redness of it, seeing the little puddle get bigger every time a drop gathered and fell. I felt numb on the inside…knowing that I had no reason to feel anything if I couldn’t have Davey. Even Marissa. I’d end up calling her in the near future, I knew it.

My shower was long and devoid of me actually washing myself, my body trembling and threatening to collapse. Blood kept dripping down with the water, giving a bit of a red tinge to the water that was swirling around the drain. But it wasn’t serious…just hit a few capillaries is all. When the bleeding stopped I turned off the water, getting out and drying myself off. Boxers and a pair of pants were all that I dressed in before leaving the bathroom. I didn’t bother to comb my hair or anything of sort, wanting to curl up and just die. 

Davey wasn’t in the ‘living room’, neither were anyone else. I got a Coke from the fridge and then retreated to my bunk, curling up under the blankets. My arm was cradled against me, the coolness of the condensation on the bottle enough to sooth the flaring pain in my flesh. Too bad it didn’t sooth the heat of pain in my heart. I closed my eyes and then felt it start to drift away. But Davey’s words kept ringing in my mind, not letting me rest or find any peace from the pain that they caused me. It felt like being stabbed in the chest again and again and again, with the cruelty of a sadist twisting the knife as its serrated edges hooked onto the flesh of the cardiovascular muscle in my torso.

‘It’s alright Jade. We can’t help our feelings when it comes to those that we love…but you have Marissa and I have to respect that.’

It didn’t directly state that he didn’t love me…but I knew that it was there. He couldn’t be with me…because of his morals and my morals…and because Marissa was in my life. I loved her, don’t get me wrong…but Davey was there for me through everything. Always the one to hold me and hug me when I needed it. He was kind and gentle, smiling and laughing even when he knew that he wasn’t in the mood. That was something that I would expect from a lover…but instead I got it from my best friend. Covering my mouth with my hand, I sobbed as quietly as possible against my palm before I took to staring at the back of my bunk, seeing Davey’s eyes no matter what I tried to think about.


	3. Sirens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cheesy scene in a movie usually comes after a rising action. So where'd the falling action go? This is in Jade's point of view as well.

There wasn’t a moment that went by that I didn’t think about Davey. He made my life complete, despite not being fully a part of it. It made me feel almost lost because I wasn’t good enough for him. He didn’t love me like I loved him…he only saw me as a friend and nothing more. Marissa was someone that I could do without, and how it had taken me years and years to see that Davey was the one for me was beyond me. 

Now it was too late for me to have him in that sort of way. I didn’t care if he ever touched me…just as long as I knew that he was mine. I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my cheek to the cold glass of the window a little harder, feeling the gentle pattering of rain against the pane. 

He was out of my reach now…having decided that us being friends was more important then us being lovers or boyfriends or whatever you want to call it. All I knew was that Davey had rejected me…and he was never going to revoke that decision for as long as I would live. He would probably outlive me…but either way…I couldn’t deal with it.

Sitting up, I looked towards the door to the bus. Everyone was gone for the day, having split up to do random things whilst I stayed on the bus and acted like the fucking emotional I was. Shaking my head, I went for the bathroom and opened the mirror, taking out that little case and pulling out the razorblade that I used and cleaned almost every day. The gashes were no longer reserved for my arms…but also for my legs and a little for my hips. I wouldn’t damage my stomach, since that was shown sometimes when I removed my shirt during a concert. That had only occurred a couple dozen times, so I was just being cautious.

When I closed the hidden shelves behind the mirror, I caught my reflection and just stared at how much I had deteriorated. My eyes were sunken in from a lack of sleep and crying, and I looked a little skinnier. I couldn’t find the strength to stomach any food. Why was I being torn apart from the inside? Why did I love Davey Havok so much? 

I felt anger flare up inside of me and I brought that razorblade down without looking, drawing it over the flesh of my arm without paying any attention to where it was cutting. All I could do was look at myself, tears glistening on my cheeks and in my eyes, pain flaring in my chest as I growled at myself.

“That’s right…cut away you worthless, sorry excuse for a human being. Some friend you are. Davey shouldn’t have to deal with you. You’re pathetic and hopeless in everything that you do. You love him when you shouldn’t. He’s your friend, you shouldn’t care for him like you do. Keep cutting…cut…cut…cut until you can’t anymore. Until there’s no skin left on your body!”

My fist came out next, the razorblade grasped into the palm as I smashed my hand into the mirror again and again and again, feeling the glass cracking and breaking beneath my anger and pain. The larger shards that broke loose fell into the sink, whilst smaller ones dug into and remained in my flesh. One even struck close to my artery. I looked down at that one, stopping when I realized that it was that simple. 

That was all I had to do and Davey would be free of me forever. He wouldn’t have to put up with the emotional attitude that I sported so frequently.

Grabbing that piece of glass, I dragged it down my arm, feeling the tip of it cut a little deeper. But not close enough to the artery. I did some damage to the tendons though, losing muscular coordination in my wrist. The one that pressed the strings down. Wouldn’t matter now…considering no one was there to save me…and I wasn’t going to go anywhere near a phone.

Sinking to the floor, I leaned against the shower stall and watched the blood come out of my veins…seeing it sink against my pants and a little onto the floor. Davey was going to be so much happier without me in his life. He was going to be free to do what he wanted, to live how he wanted…and he wouldn’t have me burdening him all the time. 

Sobbing a little, I covered my eyes with the hand that was bleeding from the palm. The razorblade had cut in deep, but not bad enough to damage it…not like my wrist. I felt the tears there and then leaned back, resting my head against the frosted glass of the shower door. I missed Davey…every second of every day…because he wasn’t mine…because I knew that he wasn’t going to be mine.

Looking towards the bathroom door when I heard the bus door open, I listened for the words that I thought would come. Something about good-bye, have fun in Hell…but no…I was starting to hallucinate from the loss of blood. 

Standing up, be it weakly and with a slight waiver, I opened the door and moved into the hall, stumbling a little and catching myself against the wall. Blood smeared against it and I looked towards the ‘living room’, seeing Davey turn just as I came into view.

The look of horror on his face was enough to make me close my eyes and bow my head, looking away from him in a sort of shame that I had felt every day for the past who knew how long. I tripped this time, falling to my knees just as Davey reached me. He came to rest next to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me against him. 

My bare back was pressed to the cloth of his shirt, against his chest, and I gasped a little, my vision blurring momentarily as I waited to hear him say something. Anything. I just wanted the sound of his voice to be the last thing that I heard.

“Jade…oh my God…Jade. Why?”

I coughed a little, trying to get my vocal chords to work. There was something pressure against my wrist and I realized that he had taken the towel off of the bar on the stove and had pressed it there, trying to stop the bleeding. It wasn’t the artery…but I had been bleeding for a while now. When I regained my wits, if only for a little bit, I spoke to him, in barely a whisper.

“Because I can’t live with what I feel anymore. Every day I feel another part of me die…because I can’t have you…your love. Making you smile and laugh is the highlight of my day…and lately I want you just to smile because you know that I’m yours. I’m sorry Davey…but I love you too much to live without you.”

Tears were gathering in his eyes, I could see them. At that moment, Smith walked in, followed closely by Adam and Hunter. There was movement and the sound was going out of everything. I could no longer hear. Tilting my head to the side, I pressed my head against Davey’s chest, my ear over his heart. That I could hear. The racing way that it pumped. I was going to remember that every second that I was in Hell. 

Finally, just when the darkness started to blanket me, I parted my lips and thought I heard Davey say something. But alas, I couldn’t understand it and the world faded to black.


	4. Bleeding heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the fourth chapter. Written in Davey's point of view and what not. Hope you enjoy it.

When the world seems bright and perfect, there is an underlying tone of devilishness that exists in all living things. From the trees, to the air, to the clouds…there is something lurking beneath the surface, waiting to spring up and attach itself to the nearest living thing. That’s why I felt so empty on the inside, realizing that I had given up something so beautiful because of my selfish morals. He had needed me…and I had turned him away. The guilt was eating at me like it had at him, but I was trying to handle it better. 

The hospital was one of the cleanest places in the world, always scrubbed and sanitized because bacteria is the number one factor in causing a death. All things start from bacteria and cells. Even the human race did at one point in time. 

The halls of this hospital seemed too long to traverse, too hard to follow to the outside world. I never wanted to leave that small room in the Intensive Care Unit. Jade was in there, and I was going to be with him. He hadn’t died…but he had lost a lot of blood, initially making him slip into a coma. The doctors said that he had a chance to survive as long as we leave him there. But we had one request…and that was to not keep him after he was healthy. That meant putting him in the mental ward. I didn’t know if I could handle that. Already I was breaking down simply by sitting there with him.

I could feel the warmth of his hand in mine as I held it. Since after his surgery post-arrival, I had sat with him, my fingers gripping his tightly and hoping to never let go. There hadn’t been sleep in nearly two days for me…but I could hold on. Insomnia was one of my greatest feats when I was under a massive amount of stress. And that was the status of my situation at the moment.

Reaching out, I stroked the blond locks of Jade’s bangs and then smiled almost bitterly, realizing that I had done this to him just by being near him. But I wasn’t going to run away…I was going to face this and show him that I was here for him…that I did love him.

“Come on Jade…wake up for me.”

There was no stir from him, no change in his vitals, which were being monitored by those annoying machines that beeped every so often. Biting on my lower lip, I bowed my head and then rested my forehead on the mattress next to his arm, feeling the heat in my throat and mouth. They were tightening up as I started to choke on my own guilt, the tears coming up out of my eyes and gliding down my cheeks smoothly. A few dripped into my mouth and I licked at them before looking up again.

The way that his face was made, so sharp and smooth, angelic in a way and yet gruff and tough looking made him seem like the strongest guy out there, always the one that protected us when it was necessary. Of course, I had no idea that most of the protection that he gave me, be it from rough fans or just rude people, had been because he thought of me as his. That’s what he had wanted, he said. He wanted me to be his and only his…and he wanted to be only mine. Those tears clouded my vision again and I spoke, albeit choking between a few words on sobs.

“I’m sorry Jade…I’m so…sorry. I should have known…I should have seen it. This is…my fault. I led you to this, I made you do this by rejecting you, by ignoring your feelings. You confessed to me how you felt…and I just tore through it like it was nothing. Well that’s not the case.”

Moving closer to him, I looked towards the door to check to see if any nurses were coming, before I set the IV cords aside. I didn’t want to tear them out of him or anything. They were helping sustain his life and what not whilst he was in that coma. Laying down next to him, I rested my head on his shoulder and my right hand on his chest simply because I was on his right side. Sobbing a little against the warmth of his flesh, feeling the lankiness of his frame, yet the strength that lay just under the skin, I shuddered and spoke a little more, my tone hurt and almost strained by the fact that I was breaking down once more.

“I love you Jade…I always have. For years I’ve wondered what it would be like to have you…to be yours…and only yours. But instead you had Marissa and it broke my heart. I was jealous, I won’t deny that. But I respected your relationship decisions and just let it be, trying to ignore what I felt for you. I was so wrong.”

No movement from him and I started to get worried.

“You mean everything to me. You do make me smile and laugh every day, just by being there. You don’t even have to be around me or in view or anything to make me smile and laugh. That’s how I feel on the inside. And seeing you like this…hurt and almost having died, it breaks my heart…because I know that I was the cause of this.”

Leaning up, I stroked at his cheek whilst supporting myself on my left elbow, my fingertips gliding down the flesh of his face and across his jaw line. He was so beautiful, so incredibly handsome that he had no idea what he did for me. Just seeing him like that, immobile and unable to look at me with his pretty brown eyes…well…that made me want to join him. I wanted to sleep for as long as he did. Not to rest, but to be with him as long as he slept.

Pressing my lips against his just lightly, I felt the warmth that was still there and the slight pull of breath from the slit that his mouth had made. He wasn’t awake and already it felt like he was going to start snoring. I had spent enough time in the same bed as him, just staying at hotels and what not, to know that he was going to snore eventually. The nurses would handle that…or I would. But at least it was a sign that he was still alive. The beeping machines were no consolation to me.

After that brief and lingering kiss, I pulled back and looked at him again. He hadn’t changed even a bit. Swallowing hard to get my voice back, I whispered close to his ear. 

“I love you Jade. They say that when someone’s asleep…they can hear you and they can remember what is said. So please…please hear me out. I love you…and I want you to be mine…I want to be yours. I want to go to dinner with you, and the movies, and stay at the bus or your apartment or whatever just to cuddle. Sometimes we do those things…but I want to make them mean more. Please don’t leave me like this…because I won’t be able to live without you.”

When I had finished speaking, I rested once more against his shoulder, my fingers curling against his chest whilst the other one was pinned beneath me. Jade was so handsome…for all of the marks that he had on his body.

My fingertips came down then, tracing over the word ‘Committed’. I didn’t understand why he got that tattoo. I had thought that it was for Marissa…but I could have been wrong. Swallowing hard again, I let my fingertips glide up his chest to his neck. It wasn’t sexual, just longingly. I liked touching him, and he knew it. That’s why he always let me. Sighing softly, I relaxed a little more and felt my eyes start to grow heavy. I needed to sleep…but I didn’t want to.

Taking up his left hand in mine, I held his fingers lightly, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb before I felt myself start to drift off. Shaking my head a little to stay awake, I stared at the contours of his jaw and his throat, seeing it move whenever his body forced him to unconsciously swallow.

I was going to stay awake, just to be with him, if that’s what it took for me to survive. But just the same…I moved a little more, trying to get a little more comfortable. That’s when I heard the voices outside of the door. Tilting my head, I thought that perhaps they belonged to a doctor and a male nurse…when Adam and Hunter suddenly came into the room.

They stopped, and Adam crossed his arms, looking at me with the utmost amount of annoyance. His voice even held that tone when he spoke to me coldly.

“What are you still doing here, Davey?”

Looking up to him, I showed him just how guilty I was, the tears obvious on my face thanks to my running eyeliner and mascara. I sucked in a sharp breath and then sat up a little more, resting on my left hand for support.

“I don’t need you to scold me, Adam Carson. I’m aware of what I did to Jade…and I’m going to make it up to him when he wakes up. Which should be very soon.”

“You mean if he wakes up.” Hunter just had to get into the conversation, didn’t he?

“Shut the fuck up Hunter. I know what I did was wrong and I’m going to patch things up, I’m going to make them right with Jade and we’re all going to go back to being the band that we used to be. He’ll be happy and content as long as I’m around.”

“Oh yeah? And what happens when you aren’t around? How does he function then?” Adam was just playing pessimist today, wasn’t he?

“I don’t mean literally have to be there with him. Just letting him know that he will always have me, that I will come back to him and I will wait for him, is enough to make him feel complete.”

Hunter growled at me, almost literally, and then gave me a few words in a gruff and very hateful tone; a tone that I had never heard him take before. And how do you know that?”

How did I know that? That was a very good question. I knew because Jade had always known me…everything that I wanted, everything that I needed. He was there for me when I was upset and he comforted me. And he was always there to make me smile. That’s why I knew he was going to be happy with me; if he forgave me.

“It’s all a matter of forgiveness, Hunter. And I have faith that he is going to forgive me.”

He scoffed and then turned around, throwing a few words over his shoulder as he proceeded to leave the room. “Yeah, we’ll see Dave…we’ll see.”

When he was gone, Adam glanced back to me, letting out a deep breath before he moved towards the bed. Looking down at Jade, he tsk-tsked and then spoke to me lightly, knowing that I felt bad for what I had driven Jade to do.

“It’s alright Davey. Hunter is just…having a hard time. Jade was our friend too…and we’re all taking it pretty hard. Perhaps you more so then anyone else.”

“’Was our friend’? What does that mean Adam? Do you think he’s never going to wake up?”

“I really don’t know. The loss of blood cuts off the oxygen to the brain. He could have brain damage of some sort or suffer from some kind of bad disorder if he does wake up. But I never say never for anything. Never is a word that’s meant as a solid decision. And right now…I’m open to anything.”

Nodding a little, I lowered myself back to the bed and rested against Jade, my fingers once more intertwined with his. Adam could see the bleeding heart on my shirt…he knew that I was upset by this and probably thinking that it was a hopeless situation. Adam was like my big brother…and he knew just how to tell what was going on in my mind. That’s why he reached out and patted my hand, the one that was holding Jade’s.

“It’s alright Davey. He’s going to be okay.”

But he did not remove his hand from ours, and I didn’t care to make him. It was comforting, having someone there to keep me sane while I waited for Jade to wake up. Something that could possibly never happen.


	5. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one in Davey's point of view. Enjoy it. These are probably going to be the most heart-felt scenes in the whole story, so yeah...have fun.

Nearly a week went by before Adam finally got me to leave Jade’s side. He forced me to take a shower in the bathroom that was in Jade’s room, and to change the clothes that I had been wearing. Giving up my tight pleather pants for simple black ones and my black tank-top for a black short-sleeved one, I brushed out my hair and then combed it. I wiped the rest of my make-up off before I returned to sitting by Jade’s bed, taking his hand into mine again. The television was on, and they were showing some news program. I swallowed hard, feeling just a bit tired and more then hungry for something other then hospital food that they had provided to me. Seems they catered to vegans as well.

“Hey Dave. I brought you some food.”

Adam came in carrying a little take-out bag. Obviously it was something vegan or dear Adam wouldn’t have bothered with the ordering and delivering thing. Reaching out, I took the bag from him and then settled back into my chair, letting go of Jade’s hand just so I could peer at the food inside.

Vegan meatballs with spaghetti was my main course, and a little bit of vegan chocolate cake just for dessert. I laughed a bit and then looked up to Adam, scowling a little before going back to being tired and almost empty. The smile that was on his face fell and he kneeled down, patting my knee affectionately before he spoke to me.

“It’s going to be alright. The doctors just said that his body is repairing the damage to his body. Because he’s on overdrive, he’s going to be sleeping a lot. That’s all it is…one of his long naps turned longer.”

I smiled and then nodded, feeling my eyes start to burn again. The guilt and shame of being the one to cause this to Jade is what made me seem hurt in so many different ways. Being responsible for something like that was not what I had planned for my future. I had thought that things were going well…and it appeared to me that I was wrong for once.

“I’m sorry Adam…for everything.”

“Hey, no…it’s not your fault. He made the decision in the end. You didn’t do anything to cause this.”

“Yes I did.” Sobs wracked my form and I felt Adam remove the food tray from my lap. He stood up and then drew me up to my feet, hugging me close to him as I started to cry. He knew how to comfort and just when to.

“No…you didn’t. Jade loves you…and I know that you love him. When he wakes up, everything’s going to go back to normal. We’re going to go back to being a band again…we’re going to perform in shows and you two are going to flirt onstage.”

“No…he won’t…wake up. Adam…he would have woken up by now…”

“You don’t know th—“

“Yes, I do!” Tearing away from Adam, I stood there, shaking and breathing fairly hard. Did my friend just not understand the situation at hand? Was he not aware that Jade could never wake up and be stuck in a coma? How was I going to explain to his parents that I had caused their son to try and kill himself…in turn making him lose all brain function except for basic? I didn’t want to do that…and I knew that Hunter was going to be angry with me for as long as I was around just because of this. Already he hated me…and he was supposed to be my friend.

Turning away from Adam, I covered my eyes and let myself cry a little more, be it silently this time. Swallowing hard, I moved towards the bed and then climbed onto it again, cuddling up with Jade. Adam sighed and turned away, knowing that I wanted some time alone if I was getting like this. He had tried to comfort me…and I had turned him down. There was nothing he could do about that.

“I love you Jade…I’m always going to…even if you’re like this forever…I’m going to be here for forever, just for you. Always.”

Stroking Jade’s hair out of his face, I pressed a small kiss to his jaw and then rested against him again, feeling and hearing his heart beating against my ear and resounding through my eardrums. Though I felt like things were going to go down the drain from that point in time, I couldn’t help but think that I had fallen asleep to that thought. Why? Because I suddenly felt a hand against my back, stroking it a little bit.

“Go away Adam…I don’t care anymore. I just care about Jade…”

“I care about you too…”

That startled me and I sat up, getting to my hands and knees before I sat up straight, amazed by the fact that Jade’s gorgeous brown eyes were peering up at me half-lidded. I swallowed hard, again and again multiple times before I finally gave a small sound. Wrapping my arms around Jade’s neck, I nuzzled against the flesh there before I stuttered out my words, sounding almost incoherent because of the excitement inside of me.

“Oh Jade…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to make you do this. Forgive me, please. I love you…I love you so much. I didn’t want to ruin what we had because of a failed relationship—“

“Davey…we aren’t going to fail. I have more faith in you then that.”

I couldn’t speak another word, I was so choked up. Hugging against him, I was all but on top of him, just my legs settled down a bit. I had my chest pressed to his and my face buried against his neck. He laughed a little weakly, but mostly because he was tired, as it would seem. I felt his hands against my back, stroking the flesh through my shirt. Biting on my lower lip, I looked up to him again and then whispered once more.

“We’re going to get you out of here, and back home…and then you and I are going to cuddle up on the couch in the back of the bus, and watch a movie. Or listen to music. Or do something. Just the two of us. No one else. Okay? I swear I’ll never hurt you again.”

Jade laughed again and I actually felt like he was mocking me. Then I felt the nod from him when I relaxed against his body once again.

“Yeah…just you and me.”

That sounded like a plan and I released a gentle sigh, feeling the waves of fatigue that came with very little sleep sweep over me. I didn’t want to rest…but I just had to. I felt the world become light for what seemed like a few seconds before I was suddenly jarred awake.

“Hey Dave…Dave…get up. The nurse needs to check Jade’s vitals so we can get him out of here.”

I got up almost immediately, sliding off the bed and brushing my hair back from my face with my fingers. Clearing my throat, I smiled to Jade when I saw that he was sitting up without help. He was always a strong person. He looked up to the nurse when she took his blood pressure, heart rate, and temperature. After a few moments, she smiled and then went towards a cabinet that was next to Jade’s bed. She took out his clothes that Adam had brought in and then rested them at the foot of the bed.

“He’s fit to leave. Just make sure you check him out at the front desk before leaving.”

A choked sound came from me and I watched Jade get up. But the sight of the white bandages on his wrist and hand made me go silent. That was still going to haunt me…seeing him covered in blood. I wondered if perhaps Smith had the bus cleaned up. I swallowed hard and smiled to Jade when he offered me one.

“Are you guys going to watch me get dressed or what?”

Starting a little bit, I blushed a bit more and then looked to Adam and Hunter. They both shrugged and then turned around. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen Jade naked before…let alone the rest of them. I guess the modesty came with being a little weak. So I turned around and we waited until Jade spoke to us again before turning around.

“Is there a chance that we could stop so I could get a few candy bars? I’m craving something sweet.”

“Must come from you being without your daily dose of sugar.” Hunter was being nice now…which meant that he was only upset that his friend had been hurt like that. The bass player looked to me and gave a very apologetic smile. I returned it and knew that some things were going to be okay in the future. Maybe.

“Come on Jadey, let’s get you home.”

I made the guitarist smile and he nodded, reaching out and wrapping one of his arms around my shoulders as we left the room first. Adam stopped off at the front desk to sign out Jade whilst I just led him to the exit, going into the warm day air. Where were we? I had forgotten that we had stopped on our way to Vancouver when this little incident had occurred.

“Where are we again?”

“Seattle.”

“Oh…” So we were in Washington. I shook my head a little and then laughed a bit at the thought of being away from the world for so long. Jade squeezed my shoulders and then leaned close to me, speaking softly into my ear.

“Have you planned out anything other then a movie for us?”

I shook my head and then glanced up to him, tilting my head to the side before I just relaxed in his grasp, realizing that what he said didn’t necessarily entail that he was wanting something out of me. But I could have been wrong. And frankly I didn’t care either way.

“Well then…let’s just play it by how things turn out.”

A nod was given this time and I closed my eyes, resting against him and letting him lead me towards the bus. It was parked in the hospital parking lot this time, just to accommodate the fact that Jade was in the hospital and it was more convenient for us. When I heard the door click open, I opened my eyes and then went inside first. 

“Home sweet home.”

He moved for the back, looking around for a moment before he turned back to me and smiled in that goofy and sweet way that he normally did. There was the Jade that I knew. I felt heat flood my cheeks and I cleared my throat, motioning towards the mini-fridge that we had on the bus.

“Something to drink?”

“Davey…I’m not a guest…I live here too…”

“Oh, that’s right. I’m sorry…I guess I’m just nervous.”

He cocked his head questioningly at me before he got a Coke from inside of the fridge, popping open the cap and taking a drink of it. I had Adam stock the thing with the glass bottled cocks. Smiling a little to Jade, I watched the way that his throat moved when he swallowed that liquid. It made me clear my throat and blush a bit more. Why was I thinking like that?

“You alright Davey?”

“Oh…huh? Yeah…I mean…I’m fine.” Jesus, I was not okay at all. Moving for the couch, I sat down and then smoothed my fingers over my legs, watching him as he came over towards me.

Setting that bottle to the side, he draped his arms around shoulders and then pulled me a little into his lap, one of my legs resting over both of his. He smiled at me. Was he feeling alright? He was just jumping into it…wasn’t he? Then again, Jade had always been a kind of straight forward guy. And why was I being nervous!? I had dreamed of most of this anyway!

“I love you Davey.”

Swallowing a bit more, I felt his lips against my neck and then my eyes slipped shut. I breathed out my words to him, almost feeling too weak to do anything but succumb to his affections.

“I love you…too…Jadey…”

“Good…”

What had gotten into my little Jade? Obviously something that I was enjoying, because all I could focus on were the images that were flashing through my mind. God, I prayed, let this not be a dream. It’s too good to wake up from someday.


	6. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's the sixth chapter, in Davey's point of view. It's basically the scene that a lot of people look for. (winks)

How we had gone from the couch to his bunk was beyond me. But he was on the bottom one just below mine and it was more easily accessed then mine was. Though doing what we were in mine would have been interesting. I already knew that Adam and Hunter were going to be in for a surprise when they got back. If they decided to come back that day at all.

Jade’s lips were against my throat and he was sucking against my Adam’s apple, sending shivers up and down my spine and gooseflesh over my arms in a consistent, steady stream. He paused every so often to look at me, almost like he didn’t believe me to be a real entity, to be existing in the moment. Reaching up, I stroked his hair and then lifted my head a little, pressing a small and lingering kiss to his lips before I offered a smile, whispering affectionately to him as I stroked his two-toned hair.

“I love you Jade…and I’m sorry that I didn’t realize it before…”

He shook his head and then brought his mouth down against mine once again. The heat of his tongue and his consuming lips was something surreal to me, almost as if I was walking through a dream in baby steps and trying to cling to the feelings that were clinging right back. But I knew that it wasn’t going to last. Not the sex part…but definitely the commitment and so much beyond that.

I felt him slide down the front of my body, my shirt being pushed up a little and his slender, warm hands brushing over the flesh just beneath. My back arched up and I gasped, my eyelids fluttering shut as I felt his nails graze over my nipples, my body shivering and becoming almost completely immobile by the fact that all that electric pleasure was traveling through my body in waves, centering in one spot before passing through and down again. It was intoxicating and I felt myself grow a little uncomfortable. Not by what he was doing…but because my pants had officially become unpleasant to wear.

“Jade…” Breathless with longing, which was my voice at the moment.

He laughed a little, his lips finally pressing to the skin of my stomach and sucking lightly. Every time he gave me another kiss to my torso, it made me see that I was loved by him absolutely. But I also felt guilty whenever I felt the brush of the bandages on his wrists…knowing that beneath them there would be scars that would forever reflect how I had hurt him. When I didn’t move for a little bit, he saw that something was wrong and looked up at me, resting his chin just over my heart. Those brown eyes of his, rapturous and something otherworldly, made me succumb to the need to cry. I squeezed my own dark eyes shut and then turned my head away from him, feeling suddenly unworthy to look at him anymore. How long was I going to feel like that?

“Davey…hey…look at me.”

I couldn’t, I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t deserve to… The gentle way that his fingertips stroked my jaw made me open my eyes. He was above me, kneeling over me and looking down in that loving and caring way that he had when he’d woken up. I swallowed hard, feeling my throat burn and my eyes do the same from what I felt. It was so terrible…

“I’m so sorry Jade…there’s no way for me to make it up to you…”

“Shhh…there is. Just by being there for me when I woke up…by being here now…you’ve done so much.”

Feeling my chest tighten at the thought what he said being true, I turned my head away. But he directed me to glance at him again and he shook his head. That meant more to me then words. He was forgiving me…and I was acting so fucking stupid.

“I love you Davey. And you know that. No matter what you do…I’m always going to love you. You’re the world to me…the universe…my heart and soul…and without you…I can’t live. It’s not physically possible.”

He moved and then laid down, pulling me against him so I was resting against his body. The mood was killed a little bit by my need to cry…but he seemed to understand that I was feeling terrible. Was he reveling in breaking me down? Or was he feeling bad for the pain that he had caused me?

“All the time I was asleep…I kept trying to remember what you had said to me…what you had wanted me to know before I faded out. I thought that I was going to die. All I could think about was you and what you had said. But with every word that I remembered…the image of you was fading from my mind. So when I forgot what you had said, I remembered your face so well. And that was enough to make me realize that I had made a mistake in doing this…what I did.”

He had raised his hand up, showing me the white bandages that were a foreign object on his body. Normally Jade wouldn’t have dared do such a thing…but I had driven him to it…and he had no other resort after that.

“I love you Davey, okay? No more crying…no more blaming yourself. It was my fault…I made the choice…not you.”

Once more he was leaning over me and I nodded, smiling a little when he made a bit of a face at me. I must have seemed so unattractive without my make-up on and my hair done. But he seemed to not mind as his mouth covered mine once more, our tongues moving almost perfectly together, like they knew what to do without us there. My mind slipped away a little, the pleasure stealing over me and my eyes closing just the same. He was so handsome and strong for his lankiness that it turned me on like that.

When he drew back, I whispered softly to him, knowing that he could hear me even as he worked to remove the button-up shirt that he had on.

“…press me to your lips and I’ll suck the poison out…”

Jade smiled against the flesh of my bare chest when I breathed that out to him and he allowed his tongue to trail down my torso, moving against the heart over my chest and then between the daggers straight to my navel. I smiled a little and then giggled a bit when I felt his tongue dip into it a little. That was perfect. I just giggled. He laughed softly and then brought his hands down, drawing them over the button to my pants and then to the zipper, effectively undoing my pants and sliding them down a little before completely off. I was completely exposed to him…and he was still fully clothed. I found that oddly hot.

“Jade…”

“Hush, Davey…just give in to the moment.”

And I did, tilting my head back when I felt his tongue against the head of my cock, moving against it so that the pleasure spiked suddenly. I shuddered a little and clenched at the blankets of his bed, knowing that I was going to end up straining some muscles if I tensed a little too hard. The feeling of heat in his mouth moved down a little more, completely over the head of my very happy organ…and then he finally took me in as much as he could, my back arching up a little at the feeling of him consuming me in such a way.

“Oh…God…”

Once again my words were breathless, be there only two of them. I felt his lips move over the sensitive flesh that I possessed, and then his seemingly expert tongue move around the base of my shaft. I shuddered again, nearly wanting to claw at the blankets to avoid thrusting my hips up into his mouth. Had he done something like this before? I mean…it takes a lot of skill to deep-throat on your first time. Swallowing hard, I panted softly and then felt him draw away just as the pleasure was intensifying, making me want to cum almost immediately. Obviously he wanted me still functional for what was going to happen.

Sliding back up my body, I felt his lips on mine again and the slight taste of me on his lips. Okay…at least he’d gotten a little out of me before he left me so uncompleted. I smiled a bit and then held close to him, sucking on his lower lip before he managed to get away from me. I heard the sound of his own zipper and then glanced down. Oh, that was hot indeed. He was going to take me whilst fully clothed. I swallowed hard and then arched back a little when I felt his fingertips teasing against my entrance, my body seizing up. Was he going to do it?

“Dave…I don’t have anything in my bunk that could help…”

“Give me your fucking hand.”

He obliged and I started to suck on two of his fingers, my tongue moving over all of the digits that he had before I released him, knowing that that was enough spit to prepare me just a little. Yeah…I had experience. I closed my eyes and shuddered when I felt his fingertips again. And when they finally slid in and stopped teasing, I gave a small moan and then clenched my teeth together, my fists tightening on the bedclothes just the same.

“Oh…Jade…”

The feeling of his fingertips inside of me made my hips move down a little…and made him want to moan. I could hear the small groan and then press of his fingers as they slid in deeper. My head was back and my lips parted, my body shivering and my muscles clenching around the violating digits that he blessed me with. Just the contact of something that I, too, had dreamed of was intoxicating and I never wanted it to end. Even if time froze right there…I would be blessed to have him giving his affections to me. But more then anything I wanted him, and I gave a little voice to this.

“I need you Jade…please…please…”

A chuckle was the reply to me and I felt him move a little, his fingers widening out as he drew them out of me slowly, making me wince from the pain involved. I didn’t have much at all anymore, of any kind of sexual contact…but I knew that I was going to get used to this again.

My legs were pushed open and he drew them up a little, forcing my stomach muscles to tense and my body to shudder under him. Heat rushed to my skin and I felt almost on fire, the pleasure overwhelming me more then anything else. There was a slight bit of movement again, and then I felt the head of his organ against my already slightly prepped entrance. Dear God…it felt so amazing. I was tempted to shove myself down on him, but I knew that it was going to hurt. Firsthand experience got you there.

Then he suddenly shoved into me, deciding to take it fast instead of slow. But because I had such a high pain tolerance I didn’t care that he started out at a quick pace. 

It was overwhelming to my body, the fire inside of me consuming every ounce of nerves and flesh that I had. When he adjusted me, I felt his cock shove deeper into me, stroking against the flesh and nerves of my prostate over everything else. I cried out sharply, my nails digging into his shoulders as he held me against him, our bodies finally moving as one when I regained my composure and started to greet his thrusts with a fever of my own.

“Jade…Jade…oh…Jade…”

Instead of being the normally loud, incredibly outgoing guy that I was in bed, I was left panting and unable to make noise for that matter. He was just so lovely to me that it amazed me. So much pleasure was derived from knowing that it was him alone! I didn’t know what to think or say, so I let the situation slip out of my mind and just focused on the pleasure, enjoying the rush of blood to my head and the feeling of his shaft buried deep inside of me. It was starting to take over me and I felt his lips against my ear as his speed increased, his thrusts becoming shorter and harder every time he moved. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know if I was going to succeed in hanging on to that edge any longer.

“I love you Davey…and I’m always going to.”

“Oh…Jade…I love…you too…ahhhhh…”

My mouth opened a little more at the feeling of that singular brush of his cock over my prostate. It had brought me over the edge and I tumbled into my orgasm, feeling it flood my body and fill me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. My cry was quite loud, my muscles tightening as much as possible around my lover’s cock, milking him almost for all that he had to offer me. And I felt the rush of his hot semen inside of me, making me feeling just a little bit uncomfortable with the feeling…but it was easily adjusted to. Normally I would have had sex with a condom…but I knew that Jade was clean…and I was as well.

He kept moving though, which amazed me. That’s when I realized that he was still hard. But he only had a little bit of stamina left, obviously still exhausted from being in the hospital and asleep for so very long. No matter…I was about to cum again as well. The feeling of his rough, calloused fingers around my shaft made me gasp and my eyes to widen. He kept moving and I locked gaze with him, seeing that he was serious about what he was doing. Then a smile came across his lips and he pressed his lips to mine as his fingers started to dance over my organ, making me arch and moan against his mouth. He was so precious…so incredibly beautiful that it amazed me to no end.

My second orgasm surprised the fuck out of me and I almost literally screamed, my voice going up several octaves and sharps as he followed me. I was washed clean of all of my guilt and shame, letting it exhales like poison fumes in a winter wind. I shuddered a few times before I finally felt his pace slow to a stop, leaving me feeling satisfied and loved completely.

“Mmm…I love you Davey…”

I laughed a little weakly and dragged my fingers through his hair, feeling the sweat that had gathered close to the scalp. Normally that would have grossed someone out…but I loved the smell that he had. It was his and his alone. I sighed in content and nuzzled against his hair, taking in breath after breath of him every chance that I got.

“And I love you Jadey…”

There was a small moment where we lay like that, him still inside of me, and it made me sigh a little more. I had just gotten used to the feeling and the comfort behind the affection before he wanted to withdraw, his body moving a little bit. I stopped him, holding him close to me and shaking my head, whispering to him gently.

“No…please…lay with me like this for a while?”

A pause, and then he chuckled a little, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of my neck before he voiced his answer.

“Alright…for a little while.”

Nuzzling against his hair again, I closed my eyes and realized that, for the first time in a long, long time…I was very truly happy. I had Jade in my life…the one man that had meant everything to me…even though it had broken my heart to reject him when that day finally came. Opening my eyes a little, I was very aware of Jade’s breathing…and saw that he had fallen asleep like that. Oh well…I was perfectly fine with his body being on mine…he was smaller then me. So no problem.

“Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep…”

I shook my head a little and then relaxed, feeling my muscles go limp from tensing up so hard before I sank into the feeling of his body still against mine, in mine…and the feeling of his heart beating almost in time with mine. It was perfect…and so gorgeous…just like he was.


	7. control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seven baby. Special point of view in this chapter. I loved writing this chapter, since this member of the band is my favorite and what not. Anyways, have fun reading it. I enjoyed writing it.

Two months had gone by and we were on our way back to California. It was a unanimous decision for us to return to our homes for a couple of weeks just to kick back and relax from what had happened recently. Jade had recovered fairly well, and Davey seemed to be doing just as well. I was alright, and Hunter was alright, if that’s any consolation. Smith thought the little vacation would do us all some good. We had just crossed the Arizona border after hanging out in Phoenix for a while. We had done a show there, and amazingly Jade could still play to the best of his ability. It was something that meant so much to Davey and the rest of the band. The recovery was remarkable and it didn’t surprise us really. Jade was a strong person and we knew that he’d get over whatever had caused him to freak out the way that he had.

Now that we were almost all completely a band again, we had taken some time away from our little hobbies, mostly Hunter’s side project, Hunter’s Revenge, and Davey and Jade’s project, Blaqk Audio. I had none because I was content in knowing that AFI was never going to fail me. Bringing my hands up to my face, I rubbed at it a little whilst laying in my bunk. Giving a bit of a growl, I found myself wanting to get up and speak to someone…anyone. Hunter was there, but he usually never had anything to say.

And at the moment I was going to assume that Davey and Jade were somewhere together. Dave had been hanging out with Jade more and more often. That didn’t surprise me much…but it was the fact that all the time spent with Jade was less spent with me…and that had brought out jealousy inside of me. Where it stemmed from, I had no idea. All I did know was that I felt the need to protect him, to take him away from the guitarist and keep him to myself. You would think it was obvious that I had a thing for him…but it wasn’t that obvious. I was, as a matter of fact, better at hiding emotions then anyone else in the band. Which was why I had gone so long without telling Davey my real feelings, hiding them inside of myself and trying to drown the feeling of hopelessness that had started to consume me since he had mentioned to me his feelings for Jade. That night could still play vividly in my mind, and I often thought back to it to see where I went wrong.

“Addy…can I talk to you?”

I sat down the book that I had been reading. The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. Normally I wouldn’t have picked up a book, but it had seemed interesting in the book store back in Houston, Texas. So naturally I bought it and already I was halfway done. But I always had time for Davey, and that’s why I managed to put the damn thing down to worry over what was going on with my friend.

“Sure Dave. You know you can always talk to me. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

I saw he was wringing his hands and I offered a smile, motioning him over to me and seeing that he came, still acting a little nervous as he sat down. Leaning against me, I felt his heart racing in his chest. One of his arms was around my neck and he was suddenly in my lap, cuddling up close to me like a child to its mother. I supposed that was kind of what I was to the band, the mother. There were parts of me that loved the band to death; and others that wanted to just spank them until they would cry and try to find Smith. Smith protected everyone…just like I did.

“What’s up Dave? You look…I don’t know…upset.”

“That’s kind of because I am.”

“Oh?”

I cocked my head to the side curiously, listening to what he had just said. Alright…there was that little notion of being the advisor of the band. What the fuck ever. It was in me to be something like that. Clearing his throat, I felt him shift and he looked up at me, his black eyes all doe-like and innocent. Despite seeming like the kind of person that would just as soon whore themselves than fall in love, I knew that Davey was head over heels for someone. Mostly because I was feeling the same for him.

“Yes…I’m in love Addy…and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Chuckling lightly, I reached up and petted his hair, knowing that he hated that. And he indeed brought his hands up, covering his head as if to protect the precious relic that was his hairstyle. Alright, I’d leave that alone. For now.

“So who is it?”

He got nervous again and he bit on his lower lip, touching the ring there with his teeth before he sighed, clawing his fingers through his hair for a moment before I stopped him, fixing the locks for him as he thought on what he was going to say.

“I…it’s…well…I don’t know how to say this without seeming like a total dick.”

“Dave, being in love doesn’t constitute in you being a dick. Now on the other hand Hunter…he’s always a dick…so that rule doesn’t apply to him.”

Davey laughed and that warmed me on the inside, letting me know that I had done something at least right for once. I watched him swallow harshly, seeing the way that his throat moved with the momentum of the muscles flexing. He finally whispered again, this time so I could barely hear him. But I caught the name, and it didn’t surprise me. Though there was disappointment.

“…Jade…”

Rolling over from where I had been laying, I settled onto my back and crossed my arms under my head, seeing that I was going to be in for a long night. The bus was moving, I was faintly aware of that. We were on our way back to Cali…and I didn’t see a problem with that. At least, I didn’t think there was a problem. There was a sound from the bunk below mine and Hunter rolled over, going back to sleep almost instantly. Alright…that was a little weird. He never made random noises in the dark. Shrugging a bit to myself, I settled down once more. Then came the soft panting noises. I was vaguely aware of them…until the sound of his name came from Dave’s voice. Jade. It was moaned out and I felt my lips curve into a bitter smile. That’s right…love the guitarist.

That night passed by fairly slowly, seeing as how Dave and Jade were fucking not but four feet from me…and I didn’t respect that at all. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to sleep. When it finally came, I felt like I only had about five minutes of that blissful state of calm and yet anger. I was dreaming…but I don’t remember what the dreams were about.

Davey was the first up, his body aching and stretching out just in sight of my eyes from behind that curtain that covered my bed. I swallowed and then saw Jade get out of the same bunk. So they had stayed in there together. That confirmed my suspicions that they were together. Shaking my head, I turned towards the wall and went back to sleep, feeling that shadow consume me again. The dreams came with it…but alas I couldn’t remember anything about them. Not again, anyway.

When we had finally stopped in California for the break that we were getting, I felt myself smile a little and get off bus in front of my house, my body shaking a little bit in the process as well. I looked towards the bus just as Davey came out, knowing that he was going to be smiling and laughing the entire time they said their good-byes to me for a while.

“Are you sure you want to stay here by yourself, Addy? You know, I could always come and stay.”

Oh please! Yes! Stay with me!

“No, it’s alright, I’ll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t lived by myself, you know?”

He laughed and then nodded, reaching forward and pulling me into a hug. I had no choice but to oblige, making it seem like I really didn’t want to. Giving a bit of a smile, I held him against me and then laughed a little bit at his antics. He had started to pick at the hem of my shirt from between our bodies.

“So, tomorrow me and the rest of the crew are going for a little luncheon at the vegan café down the street. Wanna go?”

I laughed softly and nodded.

“Damn right. You know I want to Dave. Jadey and Hunty won’t live without me there to control your antics.”

“That’s right Cap’n. Only you can control the First Mate.”

“Oh, since when am I the Cap’n?”

He laughed and then shook his head at me, smoothing his hair down a little bit after doing so. So vain about his appearance. Raising one eyebrow questioningly, I just shook my head.

“Nevermind Dave. You go hang out with Jade. Where are you staying?”

“At his place for a few days. I’m going to end up heading to mine after I get a few things in order.”

Like several nights of non-stop fucking?

“Alright, sounds good to me.”

I turned from him then, picking up the duffel bag that held my clothes and the back pack that was going to be slung over my shoulder indefinitely until I got to the stop of the stairs, reaching my apartment and unlocking the door. It smelled musty and dusty. But that was fine. Wasn’t like I had anything else to do but clean. 

Glancing to the clock, I saw that it was only ten in the morning. Pretty early time to get somewhere. Then again, we had been on that bus for a while, and the drive was pretty much straight through. We all were tired and had obviously wanted to get home. Running my fingers through my hair, I closed the door with my free hand and then looked towards the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and saw that there were a few unopened bottles of beer. Checking the dates on them, they were still good and I popped the cap off of one of them, taking a long drink before I returned to the little living room area. Dust almost literally coated everything and I let out a gentle sigh. Alright, so cleaning was in order now. Setting that beer down on the coffee table, I went into the kitchen and got some paper towels from the cabinet. Next came the cleaner in a spray bottle. Leaving the kitchen, I looked down at the couch and then to the coffee table. Here we go.

And my habit of cleaning ensued.


	8. Spoliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm...my favorite chapter, personally. Still in Adam's point of view. Lovely Adam. (pets him)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spoliation – (noun): The act of stripping and taking by force.]

For the last few weeks there was nothing but jealousy and anger within my heart. I had seen them together so very often that it was sickening to my stomach. Watching them as they flirted on the stage, as Davey got close to Jade and all but gave him the foreplay they needed to fuck afterwards. One time I had heard them through the door of the dressing room. They were supposed to have been cleaning up their shit and going out to the bus. Instead they were screwing each other without inhibition, thinking it best to get it all out of their system no matter who saw them. That’s why I was angry…and that’s why I was going to get my revenge.

Yes. I, Adam Carson, was going to get revenge on someone. Didn’t matter where…didn’t matter how…I was going to have my revenge for losing the one thing that meant more to me then anything else. Since I couldn’t have Davey, no one could.

What made me think about this was the fact that I was laying in my lonely apartment, resting on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. They were probably fucking right then, giving all the intimacy they could to each other because they were ‘in love’. I wiped at my nose a little bit, feeling that I was going to start crying if I didn’t get Davey off of my mind. But how could I when all I ever wanted to think about was him? He was my sun and my moon…my winter and my summer. How was I to survive without the very thing that I needed to breathe?

The plan had formulated slowly…it had been nursed from a little thought into a bloomed version of its former self, weaved and formed into the perfect idea. And I was going to act on it. 

Davey and Jade were at Jade’s apartment…but it was only about eight in the morning. And that meant only one thing to me. I was going to have my opportunity to do what I was meaning to. I had waited days for Davey to call…but he hadn’t. No…it felt like he didn’t care for me at all. I was his best friend, or so he said, and yet here I was, laying in my room and staring up at the blank ceiling, waiting for a phone call that would never come. 

Licking my lips, I gathered up the keys to my car and my phone, turning it on vibrate and shoving it into the pocket of my jeans. After putting on my jacket, I took a look back at my apartment before closing the door and locking it. There was a pack of smokes in my car, and I was going to have one on the way. I smiled to myself, knowing that I was going to finally get back at the one person that made my life miserable.

Since it was early for Jade or Davey to be up, most likely having spent the entire night fucking, I got there without a hitch. Glad that all of the band members exchanged keys to each other’s houses a long time ago, I made the trek up to Jade’s apartment and then stood just outside the door, the last of the cigarette being sucked down into my lungs. After snuffing it out with the heel of my shoe, I unlocked the door and opened it quietly, slipping inside and locking it again. I looked around for a moment, familiarizing myself with everything that surrounded me, taking in the fact of where the couch was and everything else that was inside of the place.

I went to the bedroom, knowing it was the only door that would ever remain closed. Jade’s bathroom must have been inside of his room since there wasn’t one anywhere to be found. Trying the handle lightly, I opened up the thing and moved inside. First thing I did was remove my belt, looping it once before taking a bandanna out of my back pocket. A little preparation never hurt anyone. Out of nervousness I kept licking my lips, seeing that I was starting to chicken out. I couldn’t do that…it wasn’t humanly possible for me to do that now. There was something that I wanted and the laws of the wild said ‘Only the strong survive’. I was going to be the strong one in this situation.

Stalking closer to the figure on the bed, I tied the bandanna off in a little mini-knot in the back and then slipped the thing around the person’s head, making sure it was easily put on before I attached their hands to the bars on the headboard. If that’s what it could be called. Stepping back, I took a small breather and then sat on the side of the bed. The person stirred and then snapped awake when they realized they couldn’t see even though their eyes were open.

“What the fuck!?”

They pulled at the belt and were unable to get it off. I watched them for a few minutes and then shook my head, looking around for the briefest of moments. I had to find something else. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted one of Jade’s ties…a hot pink one. Retrieving it, I returned to the person on the bed, peering at them a little before I climbed onto the mattress, straddling their waist and effectively holding them down the rest of the way. That tie went around their mouth, muffling their words but not the sounds. Sounds were fine. It was the words that I didn’t want to hear. They would pervade my dreams and haunt me for the rest of time.

Muffled words came from behind that length of cloth and I just stripped off my jacket, draping it over the back of the chair that was at the desk in Jade’s room. This was going to take me a bit. I pulled out a small flask, one that had a bit of malt whiskey in it, before I took a swig of it. The liquid burned when going down my throat before I cleared it. Turning back to the person on the bed, I moved towards them and then grabbed their legs, forcing them apart before I leaned close, breathing against their ear and then stroking against their soft hair. Beautiful in its own way, just like this person was. I closed my eyes and rested my head against their chest, listening to their heartbeat. Alive and well. Perfect.

Backing up a little bit, I brought my hands down and slid the blankets down, off of their body before feeling. Nothing on underneath. They were stark naked already. Probably having fucked the night before, no doubt. I growled low in my throat and then undid my pants, sliding them down enough to reveal the fact that I was already growing a little hard. It was cruel of me, sadistic and incredibly dreadful. It was how I felt, make no mistake about that.

The sounds of muffled words came back and I ignored them, wrenching the person’s legs apart and settled between them. Slender legs with muscles and all the right features that legs should possess. Female and male alike. I smirked and then shook my head, feeling my nerves start to die a little. That flask was taken from my back pocket and I swallowed a little more, waiting until the heat reached my stomach. After storing it away a second time, I moved forward, propping their hips up under my thighs, holding them up like that as I stroked myself a little. My breathing grew harder and faster, more labored. After what seemed like an eternity, I was ready and I positioned myself right at their entrance, waiting for the right moment.

Whimpering ensued the noises that had once been words. Or what I could make out to be words. The incoherent noises were what wrenched my heart the most. Was I really going to do this? I felt my eyes close once more before I shoved myself into them. No preparation, no lubrication. Just the pre-cum at the head of my cock. I settled for a moment and then I started to move, drawing out of them with difficulty and then shoving back in. I felt warmth against my shaft and I had an easier time thrusting into the figure, harder and harder with every pivot of my hips. I kept moving, angling myself and shoving deeper into their body. The screams were quieted by the tie…but not so much that I couldn’t hear them.

Tears came to my eyes and I kept speaking to myself, only in my thoughts so they wouldn’t know that it was me. Monster…horrible disgusting monster… That’s what my mind accused me of and I could not fight it. I felt the pit of my stomach twist and grow a little hotter, my body shuddering and wishing to be released from the torment that I was inflicting on another person. But seeing them tug against the belt and toss and turn, trying to get free from me, I felt my heart wrench in my chest. I closed my eyes, the hot saline of my tears stinging my cheeks as I kept moving.

Yet after they had stopped screaming and crying, when their whimpers turned into sobs I couldn’t take it. I backed off; withdrawing from their body and zipping myself back up. Turning away, I walked to the window and leaned against it, seeing the street below me with little trouble at all. Biting on my lower lip, I bowed my head and started to shake, my body wanting to just give out on me from the shame. Moving back for my jacket I picked it up, slipping it onto my body before taking one last look at the figure on the bed. Someone I had broken without even finishing the act. Were they truly not strong enough?

Moving out of the bedroom, I closed the door behind me and then left the apartment, locking it behind me and leaving it as it was before with only the broken figure on that bed being out of place. As I went down the stairs, I shakily took out the pack of cigarettes and lit one up. I made it to my car without being seen by anyone and started away, gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles pale, the cigarette balanced between my lips. And where was I headed? Why, to drink away what I had just done. The guilt and the shame that was rising in me. Why had something that felt so right turn out to be so wrong? Only the bottom of a bottle could answer that question for me.

I returned to my apartment, locking the door behind me and feeling as if I was moving through a dream. What I had done…it was…inexcusable. But I had to do it or I wouldn’t have been able to survive. Not having the love of Davey constituted in no one being able to have him. I covered my face with my hands and backed up against the door, sliding down it as I started to cry. For the first time in a long time I cried over something that had to do with Davey and yet nothing at all. I felt empty, lost, confused…I felt like the world was falling apart around me and I was left standing on a plateau surrounded by a void. I had to get rid of that pain.

Moving into the kitchen, I took up one of the beers inside of the fridge and started to drink it, finishing the bottle in less then two minutes. Another one was downed and then one more. I felt the tears still on my face but now my nerves were almost completely numbed. I didn’t know what to think about the situation before me. I had to hide what I felt, knowing that it would give me away. Had I really thought this out? Yes, I did. I had gone through all of the procedures and the back up plans. I closed my eyes and then shuddered, feeling suddenly sick to my stomach.

Taking three more of the beers in my fridge back into the living room part of my apartment, I set them on the coffee table and then sat down, resting my head in my hands and my elbows on my knees. Cradling my head like that, I felt the crying slowly subside, becoming replaced with an emptiness that could not be described as ‘emptiness’. There were no words to describe what I was feeling and I had no way to express that. No one would ever know of what I did. If they found out on their own then more power to them.

I had been sitting there for God knows how long, the last of my beers completely consumed. It must have been about six or seven, I’m not sure. My phone suddenly rang and I turned to peer at it, seeing it vibrate on the couch next to me. Picking it up, I saw whose number it was and answered it with the mere click of a button, listening to the panicked voice on the other end.

“Oh my God! Adam! Please, you have to help me!”

“Calm down…calm down. What’s going on?” There was nothing showing in my voice except the concern that I normally had for my friends when they were panicked. 

“Please, Adam…oh my God…we have to help him.”

“Who? What’s going on?”

“I can’t do anything; I can’t do anything to help him.”

Giving that concern, I felt the pang in my heart at the hurt in Davey’s voice. I had put that there. So I asked the next typical question: “Who needs help?”


End file.
